So, I'm finally a high-school senior. I was reading through my oldest entries in this thing and I've found I've changed a lot. I don't believe in emotes and actions in journal posts anymore. I still do both a lot while chatting of course, but it's just different when I'm blogging or LJing. I guess I still do both in my Xanga, but Xanga is Xanga. I treat it more or less the same way I do AIM because people I know from school read it.

It seems like only yesterday I was a freshman. It's a weird feeling; I can look back upon everything and remember everything like it was just yesterday. But then it's like I wake up and I'm in my bed. Something to that effect. Lately I can't tell which seems more real: my dreams or life itself. I've been feeling a mix of being disillusioned, disquieted, and disconcerted. I like the dis- words, and it makes me feel a bit smarter. Not really, but anyway. It sums up my general emotions.

In my time as a senior, I've probably accomplished more than the past three years put together. I've gotten my driver's license, a part-time job (two, in fact), straight A's (with APs! zomg), a bank account, and a boyfriend (still not used to calling him that). I've just really moved forward in life. It hit me today though, that I've always wished I was considered an adult and that I was an adult, but then when I get there, I'll probably be wishing myself a child again. I am a child right now, and nothing'd really change that at the moment.

I also remember saying a long time ago that it's okay to suffer a bit now while we're young. Suffering, hardship. I don't know what those mean. I've been living a good life. I don't have to worry about how I'm going to eat the next day, whether I'm going to eat or not, or any of those things. I have a roof over my head and a room full of junk. I'm a "rich kid." Probably without the quotation marks too. It hit me that most of the people that live around here are middle/upper-middle class. I was kind of disgusted, and still am, with myself because I was/am ignorant.

I don't know. While I can't completely be independent from my parents right now, I don't want to depend on them so much either. I bought those train tickets that took me to Sac with my own money, and I believe it's probably one of the times I really spent my money well. I preferred spending my money rather than having my dad buy me the ticket and rub it in my face. I don't think he would do it straight out, but something to that effect. I probably had a whole bunch of other things to say, but that's the jist of it. I feel like I'm here, except I'm not here, and it's a disquieting feeling. Like having everything, yet nothing at all.