So New Year's resolutions? I have a few, though I'm not sure how many I'll be able to keep. My first one is to clean my room. I live in a pile of filth. There are piles of junk everywhere. So first things first, I'll chuck a lot of the crap and donate whatever I can to Goodwill or something. And maybe some old books'll go to the library so I can clear off shelf space.

There's another thing. I'm going to read more. That PSAT score showed that my vocabulary and language skills are horrible. There are quite a few unread books sitting on my shelf at the moment and also some books I've been meaning to read. Therefore, cutting video games a bit (DDR does not count >>;) and heading to the books.

Next, I'm going to learn to study properly. The only class that I'm actually studying for right now is probably Chem. For the final, I made that index card and actually studied. For Math and History, all I do is sort of skim the chapter. That's not going to cut it. I don't study for Japanese or Lit. I practiced orally for Japanese a bit, maybe, but that's basically it.

Though there are a few other ones, those are what I think should be my priority. And I realize that it's no longer Christmas season, so I'll get up a new layout sometime soon. :) Happy belated New Year.

Though I often say that I don't change, I've begun to realize that it's not true. I do change. A lot, sometimes. I think I've grown more mature over the past year and maybe I have. There's always one thing I can't do well: express myself. I'm just who I am. I act differently towards different people, but I'm not faking any of it. And I'm different speaking online, too. People that know me in real life wouldn't really notice, except a few, and online acquaintances wouldn't be able to tell at all. I guess that really makes me scared sometimes.

As you can see, a new layout is up. I like the simplicity, and I love stars, of course. I noticed the "16" just as I was coding. I'm turning 16 in less than 6 months. I just started driver's ed, as well. So I'll hopefully get my license in maybe July or August. It all seems so quick, though I can barely remember the time that my sister got hers. 5 years ago, huh?

I had tons more to say, but I forgot it all... I really have to start writing right when I start thinking. I'm just too forgetful like that.

There's been two student deaths in this school year. Maybe there will be more, maybe not, and that's what scares us. One of the two students died during a wrestling match. The other died in a car accident, with one girl comatose and in critical condition at the moment. To be honest, I didn't know either of them. I've heard so many great things about them and I'm sure they were great people. It really hurts to see things like this happen...

And personally, this car accident really scares me. I'm currently working on getting my permit; I'm taking driver's ed right now. I've always been slightly scared of driving, but it really scares me now. To know of an accident so close and reading about it from a first person view (the xanga post no longer exists), it's just really terrifying.

Though it may mean nothing, I swore to myself today. I swore that I would not drink and drive, that I would not be a careless driver like that and involve others in my stupidity. This really has nothing to do with the accident, but it's the first thing I thought of. All those drivers that don't care about the impact of their actions, I don't want to be one of them. In fact, I actually swore that I wouldn't drink at all unless it was a big celebration, excluding normal parties. Go figure?

I hope that she pulls through and that everyone stays strong.

I was talking with my mom today and kind of planning out what I was going to do over the summer. She was saying how she was going to look for classes my brother could take and asking if I wanted to take any classes too. I was planning on self-study over the summer, but it'd be alright if I took some SAT prep classes too. I just don't have the motivation to do everything by myself, I guess. This home driver's ed course is an example of that. I need to be done in a little less than a week and I still have about 100+ more questions to go. But I'll get it done, somehow.

I envy those who know what they want to do. I have absolutely no idea what I want to do in the future. My dad was listing occupations last Sunday and I practically said no to all of them. Two and a half more years is still a while, but a very small part of the big picture. Though I definitely want a good job, a well-paying one, it's nothing if I don't enjoy doing it. I'm not even quite sure what I enjoy doing either. I'll leave it to time.

There's one thing I want to know. I want to know what people think of me. I know there are people that think I'm a really good person. I'm not that great of a person. I'm building a wall around myself. I live in my own selfish wishes.

The title of the story literally means something to the effect of "a person without an idea/opinion." I don't know, it's just something I was thinking about during class. What would I have done if I was the father? I think I would have let my son ride on the horse.