&. March 10, 2004  

In Japanese class today, we learned how to receive compliments. It's the humble thing, like saying, "No, I suck" in a nicer way. Sensei was saying how the "My child is in Honor Roll" sticker on cars is so American and I suppose it's true. However, she was also telling us how Japanese parents really killed their children's self-esteem and Americans are "all praise." Asian parents here are... well, Asian. You have to get A's all the time, a single B is no good. "B is Asian fail" kind of thing. You wonder why I never have self-esteem. My dad always laughs at me. It really pisses me off. T_T And when I don't do stuff that my sister could, I see disappointment in my parents. It makes me feel bad. Like I really do suck.

~ Remembering the cherry blossoms @ 10:34 AM

When you don't want to do homework, there's no better way to spend your afternoon in the library than reading online comics. I'm catching up with 300 strips or so. Think I'll finish in about an hour and a half? Probably not, but oh, well. I don't really have any homework... I think. ^^;; Ah, air conditioning is so nice. :D

California weather annoys me sometimes. A long winter, now it suddenly starts heating up. I hate the heat. My favorite type of weather is cloudy and cool. Preferred no rain, unless I'm home. Walking through the rain at school is such a hassle. Especially when there was the storm last week or maybe the week before. There were huge puddles all over the place and it was really windy. I didn't fall in any puddles, so it's all good. I wish I had a larger umbrella that would be able to cover my backpack too, but I'm too lazy to carry such a large one. Mine is small and can fit in my backpack easily. Heh, it's so weird that I'm talking about umbrellas when there's not a cloud in the sky and there's absolutely no chance of rain.

~ Remembering the cherry blossoms @  3:54 PM

&. March 14, 2004  

And life goes on like it always does. Revisiting the past, facing the present, and heading toward the future. I wonder what I'll think when I become older. There was the celebration for the 30th anniversary of our Chinese school today. One of the speakers said, "I first entered my children into this school a long time ago. I didn't notice that 20 years had passed until they had graduated college and gotten married." When you're not doing anything useful, it seems time goes so slow. It's like when you're in class, waiting for a period to end. You look at the clock every once in a while and think, "Only five minutes have passed?" But when you're doing something productive or something that you enjoy, time passes so quickly. Time doesn't change it's flow... does it?

My friend said it would be nice to be a senior right now, to be done with SATs and all. "It sucks to be a freshman..." I don't wish things like that because I know life doesen't work that way. You have to work your own way to that place. To gain things you really want, you must work hard for them. It may take a long time to get it, or you may never get it at all. Even so, you must have faith in yourself and do what you have to do. It makes no sense in saying this now; I never had self-confidence at all and I realize that. People call me smart sometimes, but I don't even know what I can do.

I've been thinking about this for a whole week. We lost Japan Bowl. My teammates told me it's not my fault. I know it is. I was so nervous I couldn't do anything even though I knew all the answers. If only I could have been more confident. If only I had pressed it a second earlier. The other two teams from our school are going. I'm not able to show my face to any of them anymore. I saw both of my teammates on Friday and I wanted to shrink away. The teachers tell me I still have three years. That doesn't comfort me, especially when sensei's showing the plaques from this year and trophies from previous years She showed the trophy my sister's team received.

I should be used to it by now, being called "her sister" all the time. It's true that I look up to my sister more than anyone else. I don't want to be compared to her, though. There are so many things that she did and succeeded, which I did and failed at. I was hurt by those in the past and didn't do anything about it. I think I will start working harder now to get recognized for what I can do and not what my sister did. I shouldn't always try things that my sister did, right? I should find my own road.

~ Remembering the cherry blossoms @  3:05 PM

&. March 15, 2004  

There was no school today because of a staff day. This morning, my dad was knocking on my door, telling me to get up. I just sort of sat up and said, "There's no school today! Mrm..." And went back to sleep. XD I got up like ten minutes later, though. It wasn't really possible to get more sleep, anyway, because I went to cut my hair. I like my hair short, yeah. ^^;; I don't understand why people are surprised seeing me with short hair. Meh, whatever Then, at like eleven, I met some friends at Q-cup. After we finished eating, we walked to Baskin Robbins and Nob Hill. It was fun, a sort of friend-bonding trip. :D

~ Remembering the cherry blossoms @  6:27 PM

New layout, featuring Hotaru from the game, Memories Off 2. The images came from the bonus cd included with the game. Heh, a girl playing a dating sim. ^^;; But the CG is so good! Besides, I'm working on my Chinese. There are also new layouts at Sunny Day and Yours Truly. Yeah, I had some free time on my hands and didn't feel like doing anything else. You can tell how boring my life is.

~ Remembering the cherry blossoms @  9:01 PM

&. March 16, 2004  

I remember when I was little, I loved the storybooks. I was only being decieved by the "happily ever after" ending. Because we all know real life doesn't always end that way. I read of many people that have their perfect relationship and I'm happy for them. It's just that you can't have little children thinking that it will turn out they way they want all the time. I had the same discussion with a friend. He said that all stories should have happy endings to "preserve innocence." I thought it would be better for them to find out sooner than later, so they can prepare themselves for it. If they find out later, it'll hurt more. "If your hopes get to high, that's when you come crashing down." That type of thing.

He really annoys me because he doesn't like anything that has one bit of sadness in it. It's good that he's optimistic, but there are limits to it. It's true that anime is anime and not something that is true. That doesn't mean everything has to have a perfect ending. People who write the storyline of anime are real people; people that live in this world and not the storybook world. They now just as everyone else that there isn't a happy ending for everything.

~ Remembering the cherry blossoms @  8:13 PM

&. March 20, 2004  

I like being alone, yet I'm afraid of it. While I'm home alone, it's nice, but ever since I saw the mouse, I've been so paranoid. Every little noise gets me going. There was the time I went to get my laundry. I heard noises and the whole family was in the garage. It was coming from the front of my mom's car, but we didn't find anything in the end. The other time was just this week. I was home alone and heard noises coming from above. It went on for like ten minutes. I was hella scared; I didn't want to go out of my room. I didn't find anything that time either. My friend says it was just animals. Who knows? It could be true.

I wish my paranoia would go away. I keep telling myself that it's only a mouse and they're more afraid of us than we are of them. Even so, I'm still scared. Yeah, I've always been a scaredy-cat. I've never liked the dark. You wonder how I get to sleep at night.

~ Remembering the cherry blossoms @  8:46 PM

&. March 22, 2004  

I say I don't like him anymore, but in the end, I don't know. Agh, I'm so lost, even though I said I found my way. "The fog that goes away comes back again." Or something like that. I made this thing for his birthday and I can't decide whether to give it to him or not. My friend says, "If you like him, then give it to him. If you don't, then don't." It's not that simple... Although I understand life is so complicated and won't complain, if I was given the chance to comprehend something, it would be this. And at times like these, people still say "follow your heart." It won't tell me anything at all. I would ask for advice from someone, but I think this is something I should find out for myself.

~ Remembering the cherry blossoms @  7:58 PM

&. March 24, 2004  

Sore and still doing DDR. XD I don't know why I bother when I can barely bend down to readjust the mat. Sad, ain't it? We didn't sprint that much in PE and I've gotten so sore. -_-;; Plus, I've gotten sick. I thought it was allergies at first because I was sneezing so much and my eyes were watering. But I think it's just a cold.

Hehe, I bet I've never said this before, but my dad is nice. :D When he got home today, he was saying, "You didn't sleep much last night, right? So stop playing computer games, finish your homework, and go to bed early." Though it doesn't sound like much, it's not something he says often. Yeah, I got up like 5 times last night and I couldn't get up this morning. I didn't do my math homework. I was saved by tutorial. ^^;; Ah, which reminds me; I have a math test tomorrow. I don't really have any homework, just studying for most classes. I swear that teachers gather together to plan their test dates. It's never a coincidence when you have four tests in one day.

~ Remembering the cherry blossoms @  9:54 PM

&. March 28, 2004  

Just babysitted for a whole day... Didn't really do much except play computer games and then play video games. It seemed more tiring than usual, though. I had to get up early this morning because they came at 9 and then stayed till just a few hours ago. I remember my alarm clock going off at 6:40, still set for school. Then, I reset it to 7:30 because I wanted more sleep. Once again, I reset the time at 7:30. ^^;; I eventually got up at 8:15. I go to sleep rather late on Fridays. Sometimes latest at 4. Never doing anything productive, of course.

Played quite a bit of FFX-2 today. I have paranoia of something that makes me overtrain my characters. And then it turns out that the boss is really easy. Anyhow, got to the storyline/serious parts of the game. It's all good, really. Paine: "The things we want to say most are usually the hardest to say. It's obvious when you think about it. But that doesn't stop it from hurting." Dr. P is just so awesome, you know.

~ Remembering the cherry blossoms @ 12:26 AM

&. March 29, 2004  

Siging up for classes next year and stuff, bleh. Haven't exactly finished yet, but getting there. I've already decided what I'm going to take, basically. History and English are already decided: World History and World Literature. Math will be Algebra2/Trig. Science will be Chem Honors. And my two electives are Japanese 3 and Girls Choir. I should really take Principles of Business sometime, though. >< Also, I really want to do Journalism; maybe senior or junior year? I want to take journalism for the school newspaper, but my friend wants me to do the literary magazine. Well, I guess I'll see. Still two years. ^^;;

In Lit today, we were watching the Joy Luck Club. It's really odd that she's showing it to us before we read the book, though. -_- I can't wait to read the book. My friend said it was boring because it's about mothers and daughters, but he's a guy. I'll find out when we read the book. Right now, we're still doing Romeo & Juliet. I should be writing my paper. The assignment is to write a concluding statement for the case of the people versus Romeo Montague. Yes, our teacher used to be a lawyer. When we got the paper, both me and my friend were all like, "Woah, lawyer-ness..." XD

~ Remembering the cherry blossoms @  3:47 PM

&. March 31, 2004  

For once, I've finished most of my homework. Emphasis on the most because I still have a bit of Lit stuff to finish. Summaries due tomorrow that I should have been doing as we were reading the book. -_-;; Heh heh. I did them for the first two weeks and then started slacking off. That's how it always is. ^^;; Well, there's also tutorial tomorrow, so if I don't do it tonight, I can do it during tutorial. When I had Japan Bowl, I didn't rely on tutorial time. It felt kind of good that way.

~ Remembering the cherry blossoms @  4:57 PM